Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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