So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
