saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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