I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
