I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
