Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
