Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Please, let me fuck your mom
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Randomize
