Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
