Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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