I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
