I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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