Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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