But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
