Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
