im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
