I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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