paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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