Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
