Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
