i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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