I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
