i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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