my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
