I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
