my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
