Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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