man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize