you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Randomize