dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
