i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
