her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Everything about him screamed your future.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
