we're blogging at a bar
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize