shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
We talked him into tasing himself.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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