I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
