Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
People in love make me want to vomit
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Girls should come with a carfax report
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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