whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
