Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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