This is not my ceiling
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
