You're so nebulous sometimes
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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