He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
