1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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