She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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