The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
