My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
