holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
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