and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
