ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Randomize
