I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
