I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
