I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
