Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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