hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
