maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Everything about him screamed your future.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
