someone owes me an orgasm
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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