Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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