I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
