i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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