Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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