The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Can I color on your dick again?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
