Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
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