I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Terrible idea I love it
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
