Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
