the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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