If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
