Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
