After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
