Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
